Fair warning: This post could get heavy, y'all. I'm anxious and nervous to write this but also excited to share some big news with you in the French household!
When Clay and I started dating, we knew pretty quickly that we'd met our soulmates. One of the things we talked about fairly early on was children. How many kids did he want, did I want, if we wanted boys or girls or both, whether or not adoption was something we'd like to do or if it was out of the question... You get it. All the things you gotta know if this is going to move forward right? We knew from that little talk that we both loved the idea of kids, wanted them a lot, that we'd be happy with any way we got them and that we'd love them unconditionally. We knew from the beginning that because I have PCOS that we may have some fertility issues or that we may not be able to have children at all. About 6 months into our marriage, we decided to start trying. Within 4 months I was pregnant...and that same week we found out we were pregnant we lost our sweet baby.
Y'all. Miscarriages are hard! As a friend of mine put it, "Man! That SUCKS!!" I don't think there's a more appropriate way to describe it. It's not just the loss of a precious baby to be, but the loss of becoming parents, of holding that sweet bundle of joy in our arms, the loss of those snuggles, of those baby belly laughs, of seeing our little person being born around the same time as our friends kids... It took my body a solid month to realize that it wasn't pregnant any longer. I was very sick through most of that time. When it started to lift, I realized my body was totally different. I really struggled with my weight, my hormones and emotions, and missing that baby in my arms. I watched my husband struggle through Father's Day and that fleeting moment of "I'm going to be a dad". Saw his heart breaking as much as mine and realized I couldn't make it better for him any more than I could for myself. We clung to Jesus' promises & each other during this time. While it broke our hearts to know that we wouldn't get to meet our little one until we get to Heaven, the thought that the first thing he or she saw when she opened her little eyes was the face of Jesus still gives me chills and joy in the midst of the sorrow. We know that he or she just needed to stay there with Jesus until we could meet him or her.
So, we went ahead with trying and after a few months of nothing, we went to speak with my OBGYN. She started us on Clomid and after 3 months of psychotic Ivy (Clay's a saint y'all! haha!) with nothing happening we began to talk about what methods we would be willing to try to get pregnant and how far we'd be willing to go. Now, before I get to what we did and didn't want to do, let me say that whatever works for your family is what you should do. I am not shaming or judging anyone that has decided on a different course than us. This is just what we felt led to do after much prayer and consideration. OK. Back to it. We knew we didn't want to go as far as IVF because of the price and the uncertainty. We thought we'd like to try Clomid again but needed a little time off of the crazy pill (you know what I'm talking about if you've ever been on Clomid! Whew! #thehormonesarereal #thethingswedoforourkids) and we thought we'd like to try IUI.
However, the thought and yearning for adoption kept coming up. We began talking about it again. We both felt that this was something we'd like to do but just didn't know when or how or if it was even possible for us. The idea of adoption continued to stay heavy on our hearts for a couple of months and, so, after much prayer and counsel with our families and close friends, we are so excited to announce that we have decided it is time to adopt! #happydance #weregonnabeparents The moment that decision was made, we were filled with such a peace. That peace you only know when the Lord is directing your steps and saying "yeah I know it's scary but you're listening to what I'm saying and I'm going to lead the way". As we've begun to pursue more information on adoption, selected our agency (Open Arms Adoption) and our lawyer (Steve Baker is truly the best y'all!) we have seen the Lord put things in to place so that this is actually becoming a reality! My eyes are tearing up as I write this because it's something I never thought we'd be able to do or afford but we KNOW, deep in our souls, as we've watched the Lord work, that we are doing what He's called us to and that He's going to provide the way.
It's one of those moments when I sit back in awe and can only say "Wow, Lord! Thank you" as tears stream down my face. We've always felt there would be no difference to us in having our own vs adopting, but I always felt this strong desire to experience pregnancy. As soon as we made the decision that it was time to adopt, that yearning, while still minutely there, is no longer a big deal. If I never experience pregnancy again, if we never have a child of our own, I/we genuinely do not care. Our babies are out there, whether they're waiting to be born to us via my body or another woman's. We're going to be parents! We're going to have that little person in our arms one day and they will call us Mama and Daddy and be able to watch them grow up. Our parents will be Sassy, Lolli, and Pop one day. Our siblings will be called Halesy, Aunt Court, and Uncle Trey one day. We're just having to learn patience to hear those belly laughs and little pitter patter of feet down our hall. We're learning a lot about God's timing and giving over control to the God who goes before us and knows what is best for us #itsharderthanitsoundsyall
Here's what we're asking from you:
1) I will be offering Mini Sessions on the dates below at $200 for 20 min, 20 images, at a designated location 2x a month. All proceeds will go to #bringbabyfrenchhome. You get pretty pictures and you help us bring our little bundle of joy home!
9/24 @ 5:00, 6:00; Location: LSUS Tree Grove
10/21 @ 7:30, 8:00, 5:30; Location: Weaver's Christmas Tree Farm (SETUP: christmas trees, old red truck, christmas pillows, & christmas blankets)
& 10/22 @ 7:30, 8:00, 8:30, 9:30, 10:00, 6:30, 7:00; Location: Weaver's Christmas Tree Farm (SETUP: christmas trees, old red truck, christmas pillows, & christmas blankets)
11/25 @ 7:30, 8:00, 8:30, 9:00; Location: Cedarcroft Plantation
& 11/26 @ 7:30, 8:00, 8:30, 9:00, 9:30; Location: Cedarcroft Plantation
12/9 & 12/10 @ 7:30, 8:00, 8:30; Location: Downtown Shreveport
1/20 & 1/21 @ 7:30, 8:00, 8:30, 9:00, 9:30, 10:00, 5:00; Location: Stunning wooded and open field location in Keithville on my best friend's parent's property
2/3 & 2/4 @ 7:30, 8:00, 8:30, 9:00, 9:30, 10:00, 5:00; Location: TBD
3/10 & 3/11 @ 7:30, 8:00, 8:30, 9:00, 9:30, 10:00, 5:00, 5:30, 6:00, 6:30, 7:00; Location: TBD
4/14 @ 7:30, 8:00, 8:30, 9:00, 9:30, 10:00
& 4/15 @ 7:30, 8:00, 8:30, 9:00, 9:30, 10:00, 5:00, 5:30, 6:00, 6:30, 7:00; Location: Cedarcroft Plantation
5/19 & 5/20 @ 7:30, 8:00, 8:30, 9:00, 9:30, 10:00, 5:00, 5:30, 6:00, 6:30, 7:00; Location: TBD
2) Clay has his real estate license and would love to refer you to a great Realtor whether it's here in Shreveport or anywhere in the country. If you already know which realtor you'd like to use, that's ok too, he can still refer you! It doesn't cost you anything but helps us put a little money toward #bringbabyfrenchhome
****and most importantly,****
3) We need, cherish, and covet your prayers! More than anything, we need your prayers through this journey! We want y'all to know and love our baby through this process with us and help to prepare us and him or her for the day when we finally get to meet.
Above all, please know that we do not expect anything from any of you so please do not feel guilty if you'd rather not, or cannot, donate, buy a portrait session, or let us refer you. Just pray for us above all. We are so excited to have y'all on this journey with us and want you to know how thankful we are for you and your prayers! <3